2012 Is Behind Us, Now to Look Forward, After Reflection ...

I know, that's kind of a wonky title, but if you read my blog often enough, you get it. It's been an odd year for me. Lots of introspection and reflecting on the years before it, and wondering what the hell I'm going to do now. Part of the 'BIG' decision I made last year, 2012, was that I would be exploring, or re-exploring, the areas of my creative and business/art life that I had let languish, namely, soap, elixirs, and perfume oils. And painting. Because honestly, I'm a decent enough perfume maker, but I'm a great soap maker, elixir formulator, and I can formulate a gorgeous mean luscious perfumed oil, if I do say so myself, and I do, and I've been known to paint some imaginative flowers. And I have much more financial success with these as well. I'm not laying down the classic natural perfumery at all, oh, no, I'm just accessorizing. And teaching more, that was another big 2012 decision -- 2013 would be the year of teaching all sorts of lovely things, including cooking with aromatics. The online classes at the Academy are ongoing, but I really miss the face-to-face there. Miscommunications via online venues pervade -- I often feel I'm whistling in the wind. I did manage to teach two live courses in 2012 -- a soap making class, and an incense, specifically kyphi, making class. The kyphi class was the eye-opener for me in terms of potential -- kyphi isn't just incense, it's a spiritual cause. The connection between spirit and art was made very quickly when this class commenced, everyone knew and understood that what we were doing was sacred and special, and that the end result would be the same. My clients seem to love the Golden Kyphi that I made prior to committing myself to making traditional kyphi for this class, but they feel something more spiritually binding with the class-made traditional kyphi when they use it. I do as well. I think it has to do with the spiritual energy and the many hands that went into its creation. I know, I seem to be veering off on a spiritual bent right now, but that was another big decision I made in 2012 -- to find my spiritual heart. And I have -- still am. And I've discovered it in the most ordinary places. But I won't go into that now.

One regret I have for the now gone 2012 is that I didn't position myself better in a few areas, like housing, and work, and community. I gave into the drudgery without checking the details. I'm looking at potentially losing my abode due to the former landlord not crossing his T's and dotting his I's. Not my fault, but I could be held accountable anyway. Or at least be harassed by the current management until I give up. Or nothing could happen at all. I could just be stressing out for no reason. Work I thought would be great because it was something I was familiar with, close by within biking distance, and it was easy. Now I'm thinking that was me settling again. So once my car is up and running (oh, yes, ye olde horseless buggy took a poo) then I'm planning to find more work. As in 'additional'. As if I don't have enough to keep me busy, right? I have big plans for 2013 and I need to be able to bankroll them -- for traveling. I've been told to go to Napa. Something in Napa is waiting for me. First I dreamed I was in Napa, and then within days someone asked me, "So, what's going on in Napa?" -- to be honest, when she first asked me, I thought she was referencing the old auto parts store and started to answer about my car, then I realized, hey! This is one of your spiritual advisers asking you this question, she's definitely not asking about your car! She then proceeded to tell me that I had to go, that the dream was saying something to me -- yes, I know what you're thinking, I'm crazy, right? Well, I do ask myself that question often enough, and other people, mostly my children, like to bandy the notion about, and I'm at the point now where I'm getting a little annoyed by it because I feel discounted when they say, "Oh, Mom, you're crazy." I'm not. Not in the clinical sense. I'm a dreamer, and I'm going to continue to be a dreamer as it's kept me alive. Okay, so one my of spiritual advisers tells me BEFORE I told her about the Napa dream that I needed to get on a train and go .... to Napa! A train, she said. A train. I've been thinking a lot about taking the train as far as it will take me, so 2013 will be the year that I do that. Everything on the west coast is calling me ~ Carmel, San Francisco, Berkeley, Napa, Portland, Seattle, Vancouver ~ then France, but not on a train, obviously. But trains in France ... I didn't reach out to my community here, the art community, the theater, galleries and specialty shops in 2012. Not at all. I felt ... inadequate to do so, but they were all on my list. If the housing issue goes in my favor, I may hang out a shingle as I'm zoned for it. Then perhaps all I'll do from the house is teach. Nothing retail. That was also last year's plan, but I allowed things to hinder my efforts. Mostly I allowed me to hinder my efforts hiding behind procrastination and disorganization and time, money, and effort would be better spent elsewhere. I cannot do that anymore. Hey, that might have to be a resolution, but not for the New Year, for the New Life. But I must reach out to my neighbors. Make some here-time connections.

Another regret is that I didn't stay in keeping with the title of this blog, One Year, One Nose, 365 Days of Olfaction, but I knew I wouldn't anyway. The concept morphed from one in which I imagined myself writing about scent in detail on a daily basis (with all the other crap I have to do around here) to a concept of scent study being a never-ending endeavor, as in every day we experience scent, 365 days a year, if we'd just open up our olfactory hoses and start taking it in! Or something like that. I have a habit of setting myself up for failure so I choose the second concept over the original, if you please.

I've been alerted (this is beginning to sound like a newsletter) that some of my readers are unable to post on the blog -- I apologize for that. I'm not savvy enough to know if it's a problem with my blog or a problem with your settings, so I offer a solution ~ email me and I'll post your post for you. My email for this blog is ohtrueapothecary@yahoo.com. Simple enough. Now I just have to remember to check the inbox every so often. Also if you just want to rant and get something off your chest, please use that email as well.

One of the great things that happened to me in 2012 was that I was re-accepted into a writing program without having to jump through the hoops again because they still had me on file -- after 15 years! I couldn't believe it. I was geared up to write something spectacular (not like these weird blog posts) and then I get a deflating, and relieving, letter from them, 'Dear Ms. Crane, no need, honey, you're good', or something like that. So that is potentially a 2013 endeavor. Writing better because I'm a shit verbal communicator. In fact, I might never speak the words 'verbal communicator', instead opting for the lowly 'talker'. So when you call me, and some of you have, and I'm silent and slow on the other end of the line, just remember my brain clicks to pause when I'm expected to speak, and I later suffer the wit of the staircase, my verbal montage full of should'a, could'a, and would'a, if I weren't so damned scared! Yep. That's it. I'm scared. Witless, literally. I'm a chicken, a mouse, a rabbit, a turtle, a scaredy cat! Because I don't want to look like an asshole, I wind up looking like an asshole. Ah, to live in this head ...

In late 2012 I redesigned the labeling. I'm back to the djinn/gypsy girl logo and using old-style designed shipping labels as product labels, and handwriting all of them. The only glitch with doing so is that someone keeps stealing my pens! My fancy-schmancy almost-looks-like-calligraphy pens keep ending up where they don't belong. It's frustrating. And I'm forever looking for my scissors, and I've got about five of them, but somehow they all manage to escape the drawer I keep them in and wander into the bathroom, the kitchen, atop the mantel. I promised them I'd let them out every so often to help me work, but they're obviously not happy with that arrangement. Perhaps I should lock them in a drawer, incarcerate them. I am much happier going back to the old logo and design concept. It's more 'me'. I don't know what I was thinking with the new design. Something more in keeping with the Jones' perhaps? Again, that's one of those rash decisions I made that I ended up regretting, much like the debacle which was set into motion when I allowed myself to be talked into buying a 10-pound sack of ambrette seeds to sell so many years ago ... Ah, well, ancient history.

I went out to a party last night, my first New Year's party EVER. That's right. I'm *&^%#@ years old and I've never been to a New Year's bash. But I went last night and everyone said to me, "You look happy!" I wasn't feeling particularly happy, though. Not sad either, just -- middling.  Had a mad sinus caca in my head and took enough Tylenol to cause liver failure, so as a last resort, and stupid me, it should have been the first thing I did, I whipped up a batch of essential oil sinus ease with elemi (magical!), and rosemary, and peppermint and inhaled until the steam condensed and dripped off my face. It worked. Like a charm. I would have added thyme but I'm plumb out. And I got a nice facial too. So I'm out, everyone's wasted, drunkard's are hanging on me telling me, 'This ish yer year!", "You look sho happy!", yadda-yadda-yadda, and the clock strikes 12:00, I guzzled down the glass of cheap champagne someone handed me, nobody kissed me, and I went home to read. Why didn't somebody tell me that by missing all those years of parties that I envied so much that I wasn't missing anything at all? I've had more fun in my backyard with a bottle of vino, a few friends, and a butternut squash casserole!

Here are my year's wishes for you, I wish you a year full of true friends, real-life experiences, and scents that make your eyes roll into the back of your head, and most of all I wish you all love. As much as you can carry.

Happy New Year (Life)!